Sample Lyric
"Mister Gallagher and Mister Shean"
Music by Al Shean
Words by Ed Gallagher and (uncredited) Bryan Foy

The comedy team of Ed Gallagher & Al Shean performed this song in vaudeville beginning in 1920. They also used it on Broadway in the 1922 Ziegfeld Follies. The tall, lanky Gallagher wore a pith helmet, while the short and rotund Shean wore a fez. New verses were frequently added to fit special occasions or current events.

This is the lyric as transcribed from a 1922 recording by Gallagher and Shean. The entire number is performed in 2/4 time.

VERSE 1
Shean: Oh! Mister Gallagher,
Oh! Mister Gallagher!

Gallagher: Hello, what's on your mind
This morning, Mister Shean?

Shean: Ev'rybody's making fun
Of the way our country's run
All the papers say
We'll soon live European.

Gallagher: Why Mister Shean,
Why Mister Shean.
On the day they took away
Our old canteen,
Cost of living went so high
That it's cheaper now to die.

Shean: Positively, Mister Gallagher.

Gallagher: Absolutely, Mister Shean.

VERSE 2
Shean: Oh! Mister Gallagher,
Oh! Mister Gallagher,
If you're a friend of mine,
You'll lend me a couple of bucks.
I'm so broke and badly bent,
And I haven't got a cent.
I'm so clean you'd think
That I was washed with Lux.

Gallagher: Oh! Mister Shean,
Oh! Mister Shean,
Do you mean to say
You haven't got a bean?
On my word as I'm alive,
I intended touching you for five.

Shean: Oh! I thank you Mister Gallagher.

Gallagher: You are welcome Mister Shean.

VERSE 3
Shean: Oh! Mister Gallagher,
Oh! Mister Gallagher,
Once I think I saw you save a lady's life
In a rowboat out to sea.
You were a hero then to me,
And I thought perhaps
You've made this girl your wife.

Gallagher: Oh! Mister Shean,
Oh! Mister Shean,
As she sunk I dove down like a submarine,
Dragged her up upon the shore,
Now she's mine forever more.

Shean: Who, the lady, Mister Gallagher?

Gallagher: No, the rowboat, Mister Shean.

VERSE 4
Shean: Oh! Mister Gallagher,
Oh! Mister Gallagher,
What's the name of that game
They play on the links?
With a stick they knock the ball
Where you can't find it at all,
Then the caddie walks around
And thinks and thinks.

Gallagher: Oh! Mister Shean,
Oh! Mister Shean,
You don't even know a hazard from a green.
Its become a popular game,
And you don't even know its name,

Shean: Sure it's croquet, Mister Gallagher.

Gallagher: No, lawn tennis, Mister Shean.

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